Fat, Horny and Perfectly Miserable
by prettylittletaylorswift
Summary: Aria and Spencer enjoy some quality Sparia time, discussing the woes of being pregnant and how completely useless their husbands are. Rated T just to be safe.


"How come you're not as fat as me?" Aria eyed her friend's body unhappily, crossing her arms in annoyance so that they were resting on her _very_ swollen stomach.

Spencer cocked her head to the side while she considered for a moment. She squinted her dark, brunette eyes in hard concentration and ran them across Aria's frame before deciding. "It's most likely due to your short stature," Spencer informed her friend with a small nod as if to assert her own conclusion. "Also, I _was_ kind of slimmer to start with," she added before taking a sip of her lemon ice tea.

Aria narrowed her eyes at Spencer and let out a short aggravated breath. "Well you're not exactly slim now," she bitterly retorted.

"I'm well aware. Thank you, Aria," Spencer replied dryly.

"But at least you can admit I'm fat. Whenever I complain about my size to Ezra, he always gets this ridiculous, panicked expression on his face like he's been cornered into a trap, and produces some cliché line like 'Your baby bump is beautiful, Aria!' or 'You're positively glowing, Aria'!" Aria mimicked condescendingly with evident disgust laced in her tone. "_He_ knows the truth and _I_ know the truth! I'm fat!" Aria spluttered, waving her hands around like a mad woman.

"You're fat." Spencer nodded in agreement before taking another sip of her ice tea.

Aria frowned. "So are you."

The pair were uncomfortably resting together on the large, brown leather sofa located in the Fitz's living room, sipping ice tea and sharing a plate of strawberries. The girls were both heavily pregnant at about eight months, though Aria had received the confirmation from her doctor two weeks prior to Spencer. Ever since sharing the surprising news with one another, the pair had committed to weekly (or what had really turned into daily, as of late) sessions where the girls would simply talk (or perhaps a better word would be _complain_) about their pregnancies.

"Well at least Ezra is _around_ to make ridiculous comments like that." Spencer quietly replied as she traced finger lines through the condensation surrounding her icy glass.

Aria's ferocious expression softened for a moment and she looked over at Spencer empathetically. "I'm sorry, Spence. I guess I'd forgotten how hard this must be for you."

Spencer cast Aria a weak smile before attempting to produce a laugh. "Well, Toby certainly makes up for his absence with _all_ of his phone calls. He calls me first thing in the morning, and at least five more times before he calls again to say goodnight! He's driving me insane, Aria!"

Aria rolled her eyes in agreement. "Ezra's the same. It's like we've become little children again or old, frail women who can't do a single thing without a male's help."

"'Spencer, what did you eat for dinner? Are you taking enough naps? Wait, YOU _WALKED_ TO THE GROCERY STORE TODAY? DO YOU WANT TO GET HEAT STROKE AND COLLAPSE ON THE SIDEWALK?'" Spencer dramatically mimicked with a snicker.

"'Aria, are you okay? Are you _sure_ you're okay? Should you really be doing that? No, don't get up! No, don't even leave the house! YOU'LL DIE!'" Aria giggled as she watched Spencer throw her head back and laugh heartily.

"Ugh men, seriously." Spencer snorted humorously while wiping away a few tears.

Aria hummed in agreement while picking up a strawberry from the plate that rested between them, and inspected it closely. "We should really just marry each other, don't you think?" Aria flickered her eyes up to Spencer as she plopped the strawberry into her mouth.

Spencer stopped for a moment, her eyes growing wide. "I think you might be on to something."

"Of course I am," Aria declared boastfully. "We would be great wives for each other! I mean, I would _never_ leave you for three months to go off and solve a crime five states away."

"Technically, Toby and his team are just investigating. And Tennessee is only three states away." Spencer corrected. "But you're right. You _would_ make a good wife."

Aria nodded cheerfully before biting into another strawberry. "I would rub your feet for you… and buy you all the cashews you want…oh!" Aria paused for a moment, her eyes widening in alarm. She bit her lip tentatively before scrunching up her nose. "You _might_ want to restock on the cashews…"

Spencer opened her mouth for a moment before swiftly shutting it and scowling at her friend. "The cashews! Really, Aria?!"

"Sorry," Aria mumbled softly.

Spencer sighed. "Just let Ezra know he needs to buy some more, okay?"

Aria nodded quickly and leaned forward in rather an amusing and awkward fashion to retrieve her cell phone from the coffee table before her. "Do you want anything else? I've already told Ezra he can't come home unless he has corn chips, strawberries, peanut butter, some pie from Paula's…" Aria's voice trailed off as she finished listing the items.

Spencer thought for a moment. "Oh! Make sure he gets some more of that cookie butter!"

Aria let out a pleasurable groan. "Good thinking, Spence. See, this is why you would make a great wife!"

Spencer beamed, her eyes shining with pride. Just as she went to open her mouth to reply however, her face twisted into itself and she let out a painful gasp. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and clutched her stomach protectively.

"You okay?" Aria asked worriedly.

Spencer nodded, her eyes still shut. "Ugh. I think he just woke up from his nap and demanded I know by kicking me in the ribs."

Aria crinkled her nose up in sympathy. She rubbed her own belly. "They definitely know how to hurt us."

Spencer nodded dismally while pressing her no-longer chilly glass of ice tea to the side of her cheek. "And of course we had to be pregnant in the middle of summer! The weather bureau stated it's supposed to reach 90 degrees today!"

Aria groaned and leaned her head back against the sofa. "Feels more like 100."

"Something about this weather too…it makes me-" Spencer stopped short and felt her cheeks grow warm.

Watching her friend become evidently embarrassed, Aria's interest only grew. "Makes you _what_?"

Spencer bit her lip before quietly mumbling into her ice tea. "I don't know…_horny,_ I guess."

At Spencer's confession and adorable quaintness, Aria giggled. "Oh my goodness, I know what you mean! I hate how Ezra has to be away at work _all_ day."

"I didn't think you wanted Ezra around you all day? In fact, I clearly remember you complaining about Ezra wanting to take more days off to be home with you." Spencer smiled cheekily.

"When did I say that?" Aria irritably snapped. "Ugh, I just want to grab him _right now_ and rip his clothes of and take-"

Spencer moaned. "Aria, stop! You're _really_ not helping," she spoke through gritted teeth and closed eyes.

Aria did stop but couldn't help but stare at Spencer in amusement. With blushing cheeks, Spencer hurriedly attempted to change the conversation. "So, um, how are you dealing with...nausea?"

Luckily for Spencer, Aria went along with her. "Well, thankfully I haven't really had any of that since the first trimester. Instead I feel like I need to eat _everything_! It's like the baby just consumes anything that goes down my throat and leaves nothing for me! I'm constantly _ravenous_."

"It's probably why you're so fat," Spencer smirked.

Aria rolled her eyes. "What about you?"

Spencer groaned. "You have no idea, Aria. Everything makes me feel sick to my stomach. Yesterday, I walked past the open doors of an Indian restaurant and the smell was so horrific, I almost vomited right there on the pavement! Same thing happened last week when _someone_-" Spencer glared pointedly at Aria. "-decided to bring over a tuna sandwich and eat it right in front of me."

"I said I was sorry!" Aria cried in protest.

"Yeah, well, say that to my bathroom floor that needed to be mopped later on." Spencer grumbled.

"Hey, I got Ezra to do that, remember? Turns out he can be useful sometimes."

After a moment or two in thought however, Aria frowned again. "But not too useful. Just last night he was incredibly _not_ useful."

Spencer grinned. "Oh, yeah? What did he do this time?"

Aria sighed. "So I woke up at like 3 am because you know, I had to pee. But once I had peed, I realized I didn't really need to pee…"

Spencer smirked, having a good idea where this might be going.

"What I _needed_ was for Ezra to make fast and furious love to me. I _needed_ him _inside_ me." Aria's eyes grew wider as she tried to convey the intensity of her emotions to Spencer.

"_Aria_…" Spencer's voice trailed off.

"And so I crawled back into bed and I started you know, kissing his neck and…I made it obvious what I wanted! And do you want to know what he did?!"

"I have a feeling you're going to tell me regardless."

"He groaned and told me to go to sleep before rolling over and burying his face into his pillow!" Aria spluttered with evidently a lot of leftover aggravation.

Spencer laughed. "I bet you made him pay for it this morning!"

Aria nodded. "The worst part was, he couldn't even seem to remember! He had no idea why I wasn't talking to him! So someone's definitely sleeping on the couch tonight."

Spencer grinned. "So…does that mean I can sleep with you then?"

Aria raised her eyebrows. "Oh, you're staying the night, are you?"

"Didn't I mention that?"

Aria laughed. "Guess we're making this 'wife' thing official then."

"Wait, _what_?"

The two girls swiveled their heads around to witness a very stunned Ezra Fitz standing by the doorway, his arms holding up two overflowing, paper bags of groceries.

Aria grinned, her hand rubbing her belly unconsciously. "Enjoy the couch tonight, Honey."

**Haha hope you enjoyed! Please leave a review! :)**


End file.
